Third Wheels and Other Thoughts..

Being a third wheel is a choice and a lifestyle. It is not for the faint of heart.

I remember telling my friends a while back that you need to remember certain things to be able to cope with this lifestyle:

1.) You must have a lot of patience. A mistress will always be the fallback person once things do not go smoothly with the first family. He will go to you to vent his anger and other negative emotions. He will also go to you to get things his wife doesn't give him.
2.) You must lower your expectations. If you set the bar at prince charming knight in shining armor kinda guy, this is not the life for you. Time will always be limited and it will always be on the down low.
3.) You must accept that the probability of you living your dream life is much lower than it used to be.
4.) You must learn to not listen to what others may say about you. They will always demonize you and see you as the seductress who lured an unsuspecting man to break his marriage vows, even though it is a relationship with CONSENT from both parties.
5.) You must do all of these without complaint and without the benefits of the marital bed. After all, what's worse than not being able to marry the one you love?
6.) But even after all that, you must have FAITH. You have to TRUST him to be able to fight for you and your relationship. That is love after all, BLIND FAITH. If both of you are fighting to make things work, then why not?

This is my choice. This is my burden and my gift. I am proud to say that I am selfless enough to love a man who legally belongs to another. But I have no regrets. I fell in love without expecting much and I remain like that through thick and thin because HE IS THE ONE FOR ME.

It's like they say, sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time, but the point is YOU MET. Make the most out of it and see where it goes.

Hey you.

Dear You,

Hey.. I just wanted to tell a few things that have been bugging me for the past 9 months.. I've been wanting to get these off my chest.. I hope you take the time to read these words straight from my heart.

a. I LOVE you. I always have. I think I always will, although I hope not as much as before. You were the one for me, and I'm still so sure of it. I don't think I can ever feel that way ever again (about someone not related to me, at least).

b. I RESPECTED all of the things you went through. I looked up to you since you were so street smart. Note, past tense. Now, I don't look up to you since you have not learned the true meaning of responsibility. Looking on the bright side, you learned how to run away from your problems.

c.I really MISSED you these past few months. I miss telling you everything and being able to count on you listening to me rant about whatever. I miss talking to you whenever we have free time. I miss spending Sunday afternoons with you.

d. I waited even though you thought I gave up. Everytime my phone rang, I kept expecting it was you calling or texting me with an update or an apology, or ANYTHING. Everytime I got a message on Facebook, I hoped it was you saying that you missed me too. Even though I heard and saw things that broke my heart, I still WAITED.

e. I FOUGHT for you. Whatever other people told me about you, about us, I never listened. I BELIEVED that whatever wrongs we had as individuals and as a unit, we'd work through it TOGETHER. I moved mountains just so I could be with you. I defied people I cared about just for you.

f. I DEVELOPED a set of values to prepare for whatever was to come. I learned to do well in work and to save money (especially since I paid for almost everything when we went out). I learned to value any amount, no matter how small so I could help your lazy ass.

g. I have no ILL WILL towards you. I used to hate your guts, but not anymore. I think this is something of a blessing in disguise.

h. I have no ILL WILL towards your family. They may always side with you, whatever bullcrappery you do, but that's what families do. They stick together no matter what.

i. I'm HAPPY now, You gave me the best gift you could ever give me. I now have the most amazing baby boy ever. He's handsome, and noisy, and my PRIDE AND JOY. FYI, I'm glad he looks like me. I'm hoping he also has my brains and my personality. Unfortunately, he has your ears. But I love him unconditionally. Your name isn't in his birth certificate, so he has my last name. I'm still wondering what I'll tell him about his father when he asks me about you later on. Maybe I'll stick to the original plan: that his father's dead. I don't need you to forgive me for saying that since it's true in more ways than one. His mom and grandma will raise him with all the love and care in the world. He will be the luckiest little bugger in the whole world.

Thank you for our wonderful time together. But I will have to forget them. From now on, I will bury all those memories six feet under erase all traces of you from my life. For my sanity, and for my son's well-being. I know you will not go looking for us, because that's not in your nature, and for that I am thankful. I wish you well in your endeavors and hope that you learn to take responsibility for your actions and GROW A PAIR OF BALLS. I also hope that your parents won't go looking for us. They can't ask me to let them be proper grandparents since they DON'T KNOW what that role calls for.

Thank you for also teaching me how to tell the difference between fake and real friends. Now I know which people actually care about me because they stuck by me.

Hoping I don't run into your sorry ass ever again.

Sincerely,
Me

Holiday Blues

Christmas was 2 days ago, and surprisingly, I didn't even feel it pass by. I just woke up one morning and was shocked to learn "December 25 na pala?" Times are different I suppose. You don't hear Christmas songs being played on repeat on every store you enter or every radio station you tune into. The only telltale signs? The children out on the street singing very rude versions of Christmas classics and the garlands and fake flowers on sale at National Bookstore.

Back to work the day after Christmas, I'm like "Don't we get a breather or something?" but I suppose that's the real world. No time outs and no play again. Although it's a school, so technically, vacation officially ends on the 7th..

Other reasons why I did not feel the holiday cheer.. Hmm.. There are some people in your life that no matter how hard you try to let them go or no matter how busy you keep yourself just to avoid thinking of them, they are stuck on you. Like a piece of chewed up gum on the sole of your shoe. And I'm just gonna leave it at that.

But even through all those irritating happenings, there are a lot of good things and people in my life that cheer me up and stick by me no matter what. :)

LOVELY PAIN

What is this feeling?
It's physical pain
Eating me slowly from the inside
It won't stop until I see you again.

I never knew that
This physical pain
It's me missing you badly
It won't leave me until you're in my arms again.

I'm trying to shake it
My physical pain
It haunts my every waking hour
It won't go away until I kiss you again.

I'm strong, I endure it (for you)
Lovely emotional pain
Every beat of my heart counts down to a moment
It tells me we'll be together again.

MOMENTS

Like grains of sand slipping through my fingers
Moments come and go
Memories are all you have left
Imprints of reality left to hold.

Moments run into each other
Water flowing in a stream
Tendency is to let it pass
Never knowing what they mean.

But moments spent with you
These are most worthwhile
I learned to hold on
Not let it all pass me by.

If I could stop time
In these moments I hold dear
I'd be smart enough to cherish
Hold you, kiss you, keep you right here.

If I had to choose specific moments
I could treasure with gray hair
I'd take any spent with you
None can compare.

Moments come and go
Stop, rewind, play
Those spent with you I hold close to my heart
Until my dying day.

taking a CAnton coffee break..

In this busy world we have today, what most people look for is some down-time. Hectic schedules and crazy lifestyles are rampant in city living and it has come to infect the provinces with the contagion of being on the fast track.


I have been sucked into this life, yes. I admit it's fun and it keeps me busy, but i need a breather once in a while. Background on me? Well, i just finished my collegiate studies, waiting for a diploma, and the current life is slightly dull. But before this Elysian peace, my life was as busy as it gets. Aiming for honors, i just did not have the time for much else.

Then i discovered this retreat that was perfect for me: Cafe Antonio. Situated inside LB Square near the UPLB campus, it's a perfect getaway when looking for a bit of me-time.

I know what you're thinking: a coffee shop??? Let's just say that CAnton(as the patrons lovingly coined it) is not merely "just a coffee shop". It is something of a second home; a second family if you will. The atmosphere is relaxed and the crowds are quite amiable. The music selection not only features popular bands, but also local bands from around the area. The coffee is brilliant, highlighted by the food that they serve. Perfect even for those with discriminating tastes.

On my first visit there, i slightly felt out of place since apparently everyone knew everyone else. But then they have this way of making you feel welcome: the baristas with their friendly smiles, the regulars with their chummy attitude. Mix that with the nice ambiance and the delightful menu, and you will be craving cor your next cup of a hot CAnton coffee with an extra shot of Irish cream or a nice, cold shake...

I know i am!

Cheers!

taking a dive head-first..

caution is a virtue, pretty much like honesty and patience. one always hears advice like "look before you leap" or "test the waters first". i'm pretty sure i've had those said to me numerous times. you know what i realized though..?

THERE'S NO FUN IN THAT!

being cautious stems from our natural instinct of self preservation and to avoid embarrassments and epic failures. and it's all good, i swear. but then one of these days, you look back and say "damn, i wish i had done that.."

my philosophy in life is to stay alive long enough for change, but also to never look back in anger nor regret.. carpe diem, sieze the day and all that. i believe in it so much that i want it tattooed on my bum! :)) or perhaps my shoulder blade..? whatever..!

life's little adventures come from our sometimes crazy escapades into unknown waters.. step out of your comfort zone, try something different, meet new people.. HAVE FUN WHILE YOU'RE AT IT..

fine, caution is important for survival, but learn to live on the edge sometimes... you'll never know who you'll meet or what fond memories you'll have..

lastly, while you're also at it... FALL IN LOVE.. scrape your knees, but pick yourself up.. somebody might be waiting just around the corner.. :">